NUDITY- I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and
waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard
my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't
wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY- My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to
tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it
out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a
moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He
held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw
this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
OPINIONS- On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions
expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP- A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy,"
the child said to her mother. Then she added , "Mommy can't come to
the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY- A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in
the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The
little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
ELDERLY- While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4- year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly
the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One
day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe
this!"
DRESS- UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it
always gives you a headache the next morning."
DEATH - While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a
dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was
chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his Father always
said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ... and into
the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL- A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't
read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
BIBLE- A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated
as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out
of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw
was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama,
look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there,
dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I
think it's Adam's underwear!"
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